Inside the Mind of a Cancer Patient
Awe-inspiring, full of charm and spirit, this one-of-a-kind memoir is a comforting companion to both cancer patients and the people that love them. An absolutely moving read, a story of struggle and victory, Inside the Mind of a Cancer Patient is that one book that can make the difference between giving up and keep fighting!
It was now the first of May 2020, at the height of this Godforsaken pandemic. While the rest of the world was seeking shelter and avoiding hospitals at all cost, here I sit on a bench getting dressed in a changing-room the size of a tenfoot by ten-foot broom closet. The pain in my abdomen is excruciating now, and I hope that these new sets of X-rays offer an answer and a solution for the pain. Was it a kidney stone, as was previously thought by the ER Doctor? Was it a complication from the prostatectomy? We would find out soon enough. Then, in the far corner of this tiny room, my eyes pick up a bin overflowing with soiled gowns.
To the left were used surgical masks, given to patients, I imagine and discarded and on the floor in front of me. What was I breathing in through my mask? Through my lungs, I wondered? I needed to finish getting dressed and get the hell out of this disease-filled coffin before COVID killed me.
Before I could make my escape, a rap, rap, rap pounded on the changing room door. Mr. Windham, rap, rap, rap again. Yes, I mustered. You cannot leave yet. We have contacted your Doctor and are waiting for him to call us back. Please, Sir, do not get dressed and go until we speak to him. I felt the room spin and had difficulty breathing. They found more cancer; I was sure of it. My hands went ice cold; there was a pounding in the back of my skull. Would I be doomed to this plight, I wondered? Was there some silver lining for me, anything to grab on to? I could finally admit to myself for the first time that the adventure had been dark and difficult for months on end without relief. I continued to step on one land mine after another, and for the first time in my life, I wanted to give up.
An overwhelming feeling swept over me, unlike anything I had experienced before. Feeling like a hot air balloon that had lost all of its air, there was no fight left in me, and I just wanted to sit on the ground of this disease-infested room for a while. There was no trapdoor to plan my escape through this time, and I buried my feelings of surrender deep inside a vault within my brain and sat there helpless and frightened.